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How many times…?

By Hanneke Geraeds.

“How many times will one desire emotional pain to go away before one realizes that it dissolves only through welcoming it fully and consciously?” ~ Scott Kiloby

I know this. I’ve experienced the blessing of it several times. And yet I keep putting sweet food in my mouth while ignoring underlying feelings and suppressing them this way; flashing up the moment, while casting a shadow over less pleasant feelings.

I know this and yet I keep imposing rules on myself for eating and moving. They only work if in that moment my willpower is strong enough. And often it isn’t…

It is a fight between Hanneke, the little child that demands a sweet, and Hanneke, the strict parent who wants to get hold of it. And, in fact, both perspectives don’t address the real point: the underlying, less pleasant feelings.

As long as I am looking from these two perspectives, I keep falling into conflicting behavioral patterns: it is chewing or checking. My weight is maintained… at an unhealthy level according to the norm…

Scott’s words wake me up out of this battle. (And thank you, Lisa Meuser, who is a colleague of mine, for sharing them.) A battle of which I know it becomes redundant if I can remember and look from the third perspective: welcoming the unpleasant feelings fully and consciously. That is the trick. By doing this at the crucial moment, and not choosing to flash up the moment by eating something I like or obeying the strict voice of willpower and find a different distraction, the underlying feelings finally get the attention they deserve. Now they aren’t cast over by a shadow, they are brought into the light. Free to leave whenever they will. And they will leave in the end. I know that. Then there is no need for overeating anymore. And without overeating what’s here to get hold of?

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