Many of us are searching for happiness, or at least we want less stress, less anxiety, less addictive behavior or conflict in our lives. It can feel like we are battling with problems and difficulties and life can be painful and very challenging at times. We might also be seeking, not content with life as it is.
Whatever the exact nature of our struggles, the Living Inquiries offer a radically different approach to them. The Inquiries are simple everyday tools designed to dissolve the beliefs, fears, and addictions that often run our lives. These dynamic and deeply personal investigations work by loosening the knots of thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations that give rise to suffering and the sense of a limited or deficient self.
Within this process we learn to gently allow our thoughts and feelings to be exactly as they are, and to look and feel deeply into what we are experiencing. By asking a few simple inquiry questions and using our capacity to notice, an effortless unravelling happens. This produces a profound release from the emotional and sensory grip of our histories and the ‘stories’ about ourselves (and others) that are holding us back.
None of this happens overnight. There’s no quick fix here: the Living Inquiries offer a much more precious opportunity – to become truly intimate with every aspect of ourselves and with life as we experience it. To begin with, we highly recommend working with one of our certified facilitators who can hold the space and guide you deeply into inquiry. If you are willing to look – and to keep on looking – you’ll develop the skills and capacity to inquire on your own.
We work with people from all over the world on a wide range of beliefs and issues, including, but not limited to:
Fear, phobias, anxiety, stress and worry
Depression, guilt and shame
Trauma and PTSD
Feelings of isolation, loneliness, mistrust and lack of safety
Emotional wounding, including childhood issues such as abuse and neglect
Relationship issues with partners, family members, friends and co-workers
Destructive patterns and behaviors
Boundaries and control issues
Lack of confidence, low self-esteem and comparing self to others
Self-judgement and criticism
Compulsions, obsessions and addictions, including perfectionism and pornography
Feeling driven and unable to slow down or switch off
Confusion, overwhelm and difficulties with decision-making
Body image and food issues
Health, illness, pain, ageing and death
Spiritual seeking and the search for awakening and enlightenment
If you wish to inquire into an addiction to alcohol, tobacco or any other prescribed or non-prescribed drugs, the facilitator you choose to contact will first refer you to the Kiloby Center for assessment, in order to safeguard your physiological and psychological well being.
As with other mindfulness-based practices, we do not give advice, nor do we attempt to change or manage your beliefs or behaviors. By inquiring directly into the nature of your present experience, your beliefs, patterns, and conditioning often unravel and profound changes can occur. However, we do not offer or guarantee specific results or outcomes.
If you’d like to learn more about the Inquiries, you can watch videos here, read articles on our blog and listen to audios here. If you would like to have a chat with one of us, you can find our details here. We’re always happy to talk one to one via email or by phone, Skype or Zoom.
The Origins of the Living Inquiries
Although the Living Inquiries started with Scott, they have grown well beyond his influence due to the enormous efforts of the facilitators who are now available on the Living Inquiries site. For those interested in the history of the Living Inquiries, here is Scott’s story.
“I began inquiring on my own around 2008, after experiencing a persistent pattern of the story “I’m unlovable” showing up in my life and relationships. In those early days of inquiry I was all alone. There were no other facilitators. I was developing what would later become the Unfindable Inquiry – the basis of the Living Inquiries – and I had no manual to help me.
Often clunky and unrefined, the earliest versions of the Unfindable Inquiry were as much a game of trial and error as anything else. It was like shooting in the dark, trying to find the right question that would slow my system down enough to truly look at the thoughts, emotions and sensations that were arising during times when I was emotionally triggered. Usually the trigger happened as a result of something my partner or a friend would say or not say, do or not do.
By the time I started experimenting with the Unfindable Inquiry, I felt clear in many ways, already free of tons of the suffering that had plagued me earlier in life. But as I noticed these more hidden and stubborn core stories arising, it felt as if I needed a better tool – better than the tools I had already been given by existing methods and therapies. I needed to go deep into the very nature of reality and who I had taken myself to be. I could no longer afford to stay on the surface of things. The wounding was just too obvious. It felt so real, even though on some level I knew it was just mental and emotional scripting I had learned somewhere along the way in life. With the Unfindable Inquiry, a door opened in 2008, a potential to go deeper than I had gone before. And I have never looked back or regretted a step along the way.
Little did I know what would eventually grow out of those early days of developing the Unfindable Inquiry. Initially, I had no ambition to share it with anyone. I had created it for myself, or so I thought. A friend had to actually encourage me to bring it to the public. It hadn’t even crossed my mind at that point. I’m thankful for that friend’s advice. After my friend’s suggestion, I reached out to some people I had been helping in private sessions. I asked if they wanted to be trained in the Unfindable Inquiry, so they could help others. It was that innocent. No big blueprint for saving the world. Just an email here and there. Most of them responded with enthusiasm, having been on the receiving end of this work in sessions with me.
The first incarnation of the Living Inquiries facilitators was born months later, after they were all trained. The first group of facilitators I trained spent months diving very deeply into the Unfindable Inquiry. They shared stories of tremendous freedom as well as deep pain that they were touching for the first time, pain that had been there all along without a good tool to unearth it. As they shared their heart-warming and heart-wrenching accounts of using the UI on the deepest wounds, I felt in complete awe of their courage and bravery. They demanded to not be just facilitators for other people; they wanted to use the tools for themselves, in order to discover the greatest depths of freedom, because they knew they could only truly help others if they were open to inquiring into their own beliefs, assumptions and patterns of suffering. It was this attitude of openness that helped form the Living Inquiries Community of facilitators that you see today. If you embark upon this journey, I invite you to do so with the same openness.
After several incarnations of facilitators, the group you see now are the ones who have stood the test of time. They have gone into the trenches of their own pain and the pain of others. They have experienced breakthroughs that are so uniquely powerful that words cannot express them. They carry their openness with them in every group and private session they offer. It is quite inspiring to watch.
After nine years of development, including important additions to the Living Inquiries such as the Anxiety Inquiry (created by Fiona Robertson and Colette Kelso) and the Compulsion Inquiry (created by myself and Colette Kelso), the Living Inquiries are now a robust and comprehensive form of inquiry that includes the deepest exploration of the mind and body and all of its tightly-wound stories of limitation, fear and lack. The training program is now thriving, reaching into many different countries all over the world.
I have so much confidence in the Living Inquiries facilitators that I have essentially dropped out of working with people online and am no longer training people in this work. All of that falls upon the capable hands of the facilitators now. I spend all of my time working with people at the Kiloby Center for Recovery and developing this work in other ways.”
Scott Kiloby opened the Kiloby Center for Recovery in 2014 and continues to work with clients there. He is also the author of several books, including The Unfindable Inquiry: One Simple Tool to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness and Find Inner Peace; Love’s Quiet Revolution: The End of the Spiritual Search; Living Realization: A Simple, Plain-English Guide to Non-Duality; Natural Rest for Addiction: A Revolutionary Way to Recover Through Presence; and Reflections of the One Life: Daily Pointers to Enlightenment.
You can find Scott’s books on Amazon here.
Our Code of Ethics
Our Code of Ethics describes the ethical standards to which certified Living Inquiries facilitators adhere. Facilitators endeavor to conduct themselves with honesty and integrity at all times. Our overall values are:
To respect and protect the privacy, confidentiality and dignity of our clients.
To treat all our clients with respect, fairness, compassion and sensitivity, and without discrimination on any grounds.
To communicate promptly and appropriately with our clients, ensuring they have all the information they require to explore the Living Inquiries for themselves in whatever way they choose to do.
To maintain and develop our skills and expertise as facilitators and to engage in ongoing inquiry ourselves.
To operate within the bounds of our own competence, recognizing when a client would be better served by another facilitator or a different modality.
To conduct ourselves with integrity, honesty and professionalism.
To read our Code of Ethics in full, download it here.
If you would like to know more about the Living inquiries community or the way that we work, you are welcome to contact us. We also have a complaints procedure. For more information, please email Fiona Robertson or Wayne Hayden-Moreland at [email protected]
This website is for educational purposes only and is not intended in any way to be a replacement for, or a substitute to, qualified medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, or as a replacement for, or a substitute to, psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment, or therapy from a fully qualified person.
If you think you are suffering from a medical or psychological condition, consult your doctor or other appropriately qualified professional person or service immediately. The Living Inquiries Facilitators are not, unless otherwise stated in their individual biographies, physicians, mental health or addictions counselors. They do not give advice about how to live one’s life. They do not employ psychological techniques to improve one’s thinking, personal story or belief systems. They assist people in seeing through their identity, not constructing or changing it, as mental health counselors or therapists do. Their work is similar to that of a practitioner, rabbi, or priest providing religious, spiritual, educational, or pastoral services. The Living Inquiries are based on eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism, not western psychology, science, medicine or addiction counseling.
We are not responsible or liable for any action made by a user based on the content of this website. We are not liable for the contents of any external websites listed, or for any actions made by a user based on the contents of these external sites, nor do we necessarily endorse any product or service mentioned or advised on any of these external sites. Any data or information is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended for any other commercial or non-commercial purposes. We will not be liable for any errors or delays in the content of this website, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon. By accessing our website, you agree not to redistribute the material found therein, unless appropriate rights have been granted. We provide links to select sites for your convenience only. We do not necessarily endorse or recommend the services of any company. We shall not be liable for any damages or costs of any type arising out of or in any way connected with your use of our website. By using the site, you fully agree to these terms.
©The Kiloby Group 2013. All rights reserved
“There’s simply nothing like this approach out there. Conventional psycho-therapy quickly reaches a dead-end, as we’re told to just “bear the situation” or “pat myself on the back for doing something good” etc. Whereas the Living Inquiries lead us far beyond the limits that the mind perceives of reality, to a level where everything changes. This facilitation skillfully meets me where I am and totally expands my view of the ‘problem.'” J.M.
“I’ve done dozens of therapies but this is different – it’s a peeling away of a painful way of being in the world.” G.K.
“You might think you do an inquiry session just one time (or a few sessions perhaps) just like any old-fashioned therapy. At least that was what I thought, but for me it didn’t stop when I was done with my sessions. It continued and still does.
These sessions made me realize that life in general is in fact a lifelong exercise and really a ‘Living Inquiry’ (what’s in a name?) in which nothing can be missed or left out. It doesn’t need to be different, either, it’s good just the way it is. Because I am it! I am that life but I just forgot it along the way. Distracted by being in pain I just didn’t see it and now I do! It’s so much more loving than how I used to live my life. In fact, I never talk about ‘my’ life anymore because I feel alive – but I don’t see any separateness between life and my life. It’s just me and turns out I am more than my thoughts. What a relief! Yeah, I’m really happy. I remember that again. This insight restores all of my past defects (addiction, anxiety in general) and what do I get back? Lust for life. To quote Iggy Pop, I got lust for life.” P.V.
Curiosity Has Her Way with Me
This time the ache
feels more like
a gentle excavation.
New found space.
hallowed out place
I’m surprised to find
nothing is missing
An eclipse stings,
A bird’s tune sings.
The melody of repetition
Draws me downward,
into the gap.
The dance of the
jump and the shake,
joy springs forth.
I’m reclaiming my heart.
Image: Stephan Armoneit