By Sumitra Burton.
My first thought upon waking when I was sick recently was, SCUM OF THE EARTH!
It had been a way-too-short sleep in a series of similar nights due to being ill with a sinus infection, and I felt wretched. The words “scum of the earth” seemed to describe me in that moment. I recognized this as a perfect time to take a few minutes to sit and rest and take note of all that was coming up.
I’m really Angry! Nothing is going right!
I can hardly breathe….
I don’t really like her (a friend).
I can’t swim (pool is closed because of the virus).
Some of my kids are struggling financially.
I’m still overweight – even more now that I have to be home all the time.
It’s hard to meditate, because it’s so hard to breathe just now.
My back is twisted and needs an adjustment, and because of the virus, I can’t have treatments.
Everything’s wrong – I’m Really Angry!
Scum of the earth….
And so I sat, first of all to simply rest and allow everything to be felt and heard. I took all the words and – in my imagination – placed them tenderly into a basket. I sat with the basket full of words and felt the grumbling in my belly and the pangs in my heart.
Thank you for arising, I love you; you are welcome to stay as long as you need. This welcoming phrase allowed the softening to begin, the tender holding of all the feelings, with no need to change anything; just to hold them was all that was needed.
Of course you feel miserable, my darling (self). You can’t sleep long enough to be refreshed, and you can’t breathe properly. It’s okay to simply feel it all, to allow it all to be exactly as it is.
Tears flowed. Letting go, surrendering into the misery. No need to change it; simply holding it all. I could see the basket with all the thoughts carefully held in it. I allowed my arms to feel as if holding the basket – tenderly and with loving compassion. I’m here with you….
Gradually a sense of release began to be felt and the sense of the words began to shift:
I’m so grateful for the quiet times allowed by this stay-at-home order.
My home is comfortable and my yard with a canal and fountain in the back offers me space to exercise and breathe the fresh air and listen to the soothing sound of water splashing.
The baby plants I have started from seed on my deck call to me, to be tended and loved.
I am free to choose which friends I wish to have contact with, when to be quiet and when to connect with others.
I have enough money just now for the simple blessings of food and shelter and some extra to share.
As long as I don’t get the virus, I’ll probably live through this difficult time. And if I don’t, at least the struggle to breathe will be over!
All these words I added to the basket. I sat some more with the basket of thoughts and felt the peace of being able to accept and hold it all – for better and for worse. All part of the vast human experience.
A sense of Peace gradually came from the willingness to face and experience all these feelings that simply needed to be heard and felt, to be held. As I stayed with the peace and allowed it to seep into every cell of my body and mind, a gradual relaxation followed, into what felt like Love. I remained with this sense of Love for a while longer, taking it in deeply.
Renewed, I was ready to meet my day.
To read more about Sumitra Burton, click here.