Having suffered for many years with grief, alcohol addiction and drug addiction, I one day stumbled into my father and told him, ‘I’ve had enough‘.
Physically, yes, I could have continued abusing the body some more, as the suffering was not yet manifesting so much on the surface. My inner world on the other hand, was very afraid, alone and in need of help.
Fear, anger, paranoia, nightmares (were a big one), panic attacks also, shame, the feeling of not being good enough and much more, had overcome me. The only hope I had was of admitting defeat to myself and asking for help. I was so afraid, as even though, as painful as this way of living was, it was familiar. Familiarity was safe, hence the reason why refusing to surrender to this suffering persisted for so long. It finally came, which allowed me to walk full of anxiety and a lot of uncertainty into recovery.
Sometime after those first steps were taken, a man asked me, ‘Colm, do you ever sit with yourself?’ ‘No’, I said,’ How could I? What do you do?’, were my questions. I did not know it then, but those words from him were the beginning of what I now see as, and what the Living Inquiries see as ‘natural rest’.
From this place I was able to slowly feel the body release some of the tension that had been held so tightly since childhood. However, there was a lot I was not yet ready to see and feel, even though I was looking as best I could – there were many hidden identities. Now ‘Look at what I have done to people and myself,’ has virtually disappeared. These beliefs were rooted in me. Fears and fear of fear. The nightmares were still very much alive, along with patterns of avoidance, unconsciously looping me round in a circle at times. Many spiritual teachers were listened to and followed during this period with some profound clarity appearing, yet always returning, at some point, was suffering.
Sometime later, I discovered the Living Inquiries and decided to give it a try. After the first session I felt, this is for me and registered for the training. I did not yet recognise at this point, the inner depths to which the inquiries could be used to explore. To my delight, an excitement for them and life keeps growing.
Each session, whether facilitating myself or being facilitated, allows room for the beliefs that are held, to be seen with a fresh clarity. Feelings that were once denied are met with openness and a sense of relief to finally allow what was so innocently suppressed. The desire to bypass what presents itself in experience is met with a curiosity to gently look, see and explore.
For me the Living Inquiries are the most meticulous way of cutting through the beliefs that we hold in our minds and bodies. If you would like to explore your experience, I would be honoured to gently hold a space for you, with you.
I can be contacted any time via email at, firstname.lastname@example.org